Monday, April 11, 2005

My First Celebrity (Very Famous) Encounter

Yesterday my friends and I had the good fortune to attend a talk by a certain celebrity (very famous) named Michael Ian Black. You may have heard about this very famous (but not very wealthy) young man through the State, McSweeney's, Stella, Wet Hot American Summer, or, if you are a completely uncultured punkass, VH1's "I Love the..." Series (Really, if you refer to Mr. Black as "That guy from VH1", you can die in a care fire). Mr. Black gave a wonderful speech, his topics ranging from how crappy high school is to his compulsive masturbation to how U of I is a bunch of losers (this one almost got him shot). He showed a Stella short, said his thank you's, and left. We being the crafty young students we are, took Mr. Black's own advice, and decided to seek an autograph. I came prepared with a book and pen, no need to use "nature's ink," and we took our places waiting outside the stage door for Mr. Black. The book I had for him to sign was Created in Darkness by Troubled Americans, a collection of McSweeney's best work from their website. Mr. Black's "Some People Do Not Like Celebrities" is printed within its pages. Soon after I arrived at the door, Mr. Black emerged and began his meet and greet. After taking a photo with a couple and signing something for someone who wasn't me, I handed him the book, open to his article and asked him to sign it. He looked at it with a confused expression.
"Oh, it's my... wait, what the hell book is this?" Mr. Black asked as he looked at the spine.
"I dunno, it's... uh... McSweeney's..." I sure am quick in the presence of a celebrity (very famous).
"Oh, right. Wait, I never got told about being published in this. I didn't know they could do that."
"Um, I don't think they can. You should sue their asses."
"Yeah. I can't, you know who runs that... uh..."
"Eggers."
"Right, Dave Eggers. He's the god of literature, I can't sue him."
"No, you should. Sue. Usurp his throne Mr. Black," ah, there's the wit.
Mr. Black then ignored my sharp comment and began signing my book. With the pen I found on the ground he scribbled, "They stole this: Michael Ian Black." After he was done he took another look at the article.
"This isn't even the good one. I mean... it's good, but I like the other one..."
"I like the baby eating one."
"Yeah, the baby eating one... or the... Plus, you heard me do this on stage."
It's true. He used some of his old material onstage. It's okay, it's still funny. I'll give it to him.
"Yeah, and I'm sad you didn't use the asterisk one."
"That's hard to say. 'asterisk, asterisk, aster... see?"
"I understand."
"But at least you were the only one who knew about this."
"Actually, I did too," Kevin put in.
"Oh, great." He handed the book back to me. "Thanks for coming."
"Thanks for having me."
"Thanks for ruining my fucking day," and with that, he turned to the next fan waiting for him and I walked away.

And so concludes my first encounter with a celebrity (very famous).

1 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

i read it and it changed my life
love
joe

12:40 AM  

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