Giada De Laurentiis has a huge noggin.

I just wanted to post this so that when you google "Giada De Laurentiis has a huge noggin," something comes up.

Happy Birthday!

I think it's really funny that ComEd gets called ConEd in Chicago because they are a bunch of crooks, but in New York they're called ConEd because that actually is their real name.

Fuck Pitchfork. If you don't want to waste your time listening to those two personalities with voices for blogging on their stupid podcast, here's what they say:

Girl Talk, Califone, The New Pornographers, Battles, Powerhouse Sound, Cat Power, Clipse, Grizzly Bear, Professor Murder, Jamie Lidell, Of Montreal, Iron and Wine


I realize this is on Wikipedia, but I liked my "voices for blogging" line.

Wow, this new blogger sucks. I just spent a half an hour messing my blog up and then scrambling to piece together old code back the way I like it. Now I have to fix all the links and the archiving setup, but at least it looks all flashy again. Jeez. I hate you Blogger.

A couple of days ago I was driving back from a friend's house and I stopped at a stop sign. As I was pulling out, a rabbit ran out into the street, much too quick for me to keep from hitting it.

So I ran it over.

It went under my left tire and made an awful squishing sound. It's not that I wanted to hit the damn thing, it's just that it really did run right under my tire and I was going too fast and he was going too fast for the situation to be avoided. So, it made a gwishing noise and the car kinda popped up like I hit a small bump and that was that. I felt bad (but not really cause there are way too many rabbits around anyway) but I kept on driving, it's not like I could do anything.

The next day I notice my car is kinda making a weird noise from the left tire but I don't think anything of it. That is, I don't think anything of it until my dad pulls the car out into the street this morning. What should fall out from the undercarriage of the Cavalier?

That very same rabbit's head.

It seems that when I ran the dumb animal over, it's head got stuck in the underside of my car and I carried it around for almost two days before it randomly drops into the middle of the street on this Saturday morning.

Someone then ran it over so now it's really flat on the pavement. I'll take a picture of it if anyone wants to see.

FASHION POLICE!
This week: The Orange And Blue Observer!

Yes, folks, it's time for us here at Toner to actually start doing something with our little corner of the web, and I have decided to use it to help stop one of the greatest atrocities at the University of Illinois.

Poor fashion.

You thought I was going to say the Orange and Blue Observer, didn't you? Nah, going after a group that is just utilizing their free speech in a non hateful and extremely respectful manner would just be foolish.

If there is one thing that really cheeses me, it's poor fashion. This would actually work better as a two person routine, come to think of it. I'd say, "Hey, Charlie, you know what I hate?" and Charlie would respond "College students who take a platform of hate mongering and pass it off as freedom of speech?" and then I'd respond with "No! Poor fashion!" Yeah. That'd be great.

But anyway, bad fashion sucks, so instead of just spouting my own wild and almost insanely off-balanced opinions, I thought I'd lend a helping hand to those of us who don't have an artist's eye. The OBO is the perfect group for that, as one can clearly see from their paper layouts, websites, and personal blogs. They guys got no stylee. I'm here to help. Let's take a look at a classic picture of the OBO at work.

Wow. These guys need help and badly. I cropped the picture by the way and the original can be found here. The blank spaces were bugging me. I'm only going after the two guys on the right, I don't think the third guy is actually in the OBO.

Oh, where to begin? Well, let's start on the right, cause that's as good a place as any!

First things first: Trucker hat. A big No-no. Those things went out with the "Jesus is my Homeboy" shirts, which I'm a little surprised I'm not seeing on these guys. I'd say replace that mesh mess with something casual but snappy, like a nice looking fedora or a Irish cap. Both are acceptable as you are a reputable news man, and I think you should look as such. If you don't want to take the dressy route, then I'd have to say go for something minimal, like a ski cap. Or no hat at all. That's probably better, unless you have some scars or something. I don't know, I don't know you.

The black t-shirt is a good start. You really can't go wrong with black in this guy's opinion. It's classic and it always looks good, but fit is very important. This shirt is clearly one size to big. Slim fit is in man!

Same for the jeans. Way too baggy, and what's with the crotch going all the way to the knees? It's not 1998 anymore and you are not in grade school. Pull up them pants, big boy. And is that a painters loop? What did I just say? I'd recommend a nice pair of 501 or 517 Levis, but I know people would want you to take the 7 or Lucky route, which is fine, they look good, I just can't speak from experience.

Moving on, dude on the left. What are you thinking. It's a train wreck from top to bottom. The hair has got to go. Get a stylist or some gel or something, man, it looks like a kindergartener's first class photo. The shirt is way too big in the arms, call a tailor, and I can't vouch for that color, although I think if you added a nice blazer, it would work in a "spring is here" kind of way. As for your pants: I'm not digging the color. I really don't like khakis anymore, and cargos only work on certain people. What you got going on upstairs leads me to believe that your pants aren't going to be in the best shape, but because I can't seem them, you get a pass. God help you if they are shorts.

And, well, that's all I got. Send me comments and questions, and all that jazz, anyone who wants to help out with this little project would be more than welcome!

So last week, before the hell of this weekend, I went and saw the Comedians of Comedy Tour at the High Dive in Champaign. Patton Oswalt is one of my favorite comedians and Brian Possain is great on Mission hill so I was really looking forward to it. I made my friends get there early to grab a seat, as the High Dive had this on their website:

Also, please be aware that this is not a typical "sit-down" comedy show. There will not be extra tables and chairs (as per request of the comedians). They greatly prefer the bar environment so that it doesn't feel like a high school graduation.

They like their fans to be drunk and heckling them believe it or not!

We got there early and got good seats and pretty soon Patton Oswalt took the stage. Right off the bat he seemed upset and kept acting like something driving into his brain. I could tell that people were shouting things at him, but I didn't think it was as bad as he was making it. I guess it was. Read his post over here, and you find out just how bad it was.

I actually feel embarrased for being in that crowd.

On the plus side, it did introduce me to Eugene Mirman who is well on his way to being the funniest guy alive.

All in all, well worth the 15 bucks.

This is some crazy stuff.

Scary scary.

Hoo boy.

Let's hope Italy saves us soon.

I've been pushing G-Talk for quite a while and I've gotten many questions as to why people should switch over. Isn't it obvious? Google will soon be taking over the world, then streamlining it, make it very pleasing to look at, then make us use things we never realized we wanted, then force us all to work in the salt mines. Yes, they are going to force use to mine salt, a very precious commodity on the moon, where they will be moving their operations. The salt mines will be harsh and painful, the direct opposite of all of Google's technology, and this fate will be suffered by all who did not support Google when they didn't own the world. Mac users and PC users will perish alike, and the only ones "saved" will be those of us who have pushed their products in beta and worn the seal of Google. Pat Lange is one of them. He has a shirt that proudly marks him as Google-proud, I'm sure he will be given comfortable lodging at the end. Me? I use Blogger, Gmail, G-talk, Google, and Google video and I've been pushing G-talk for weeks. I hope for a painless death when they day of Google arrives. As should you.

REPENT AND BE SAVED.

Some reviews:

Proof: Fenwick High School's presentation of a David Auburn play directed by David Monteagudo was enthralling; never have I seen emotion emoted by high schoolers as I did in this wonderful production. The only thing that was better than the directing choices was the terrific bit of Zen that occurred during a particularly tense scene when a bottle of Champaign tumbled to the floor and shattered, adding even more immediacy to the act.

King Kong: Do yourself a favor and go see it, the "Bug Scene" is worth the admission alone. It's not perfect (the pacing in the first act feels very rushed) but I hope that the flaws are due to editing for time and will be fixed on the director's cut DVD. There is going to be one of those, right? It's Peter Jackson.

Syriana: Eh. I could just draw the parallels to Traffic and tell you how it doesn't measure up, so I think I will. It's a lot like Traffic, but it doesn't measure up. Traffic left me feeling educated in the subject of the war on drugs; it had a message that I hadn't heard very clearly until the film changed that. Syriana just doesn't affect as well. It presents an old message, one that is just as important as the message preached in Traffic, but it's just not preached as well. It brings nothing new to the table, something that Traffic did in truckloads (Topher Grace speach, anyone?). Plus I don't really understand the whole point of the movie. It all seemed very pointless.

The Producers: Holy crap, was that offensive, disgusting, and just plain great. It starts a bit slow and unsure of itself but then when it starts shooting, it starts killing. A+.